


Catch Me When I Fall

by Nadja_Lee



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotionally Hurt Alec Lightwood, Fluff, Gentle Dom Magnus Bane, Happy Ending, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Insecure Alec Lightwood, Light Angst, Love Confessions, M/M, Marking, Possessive Magnus Bane, Prince of Hell Magnus Bane, Protective Magnus Bane, Romance, Romantic Fluff, Self-Esteem Issues, Sub Alec Lightwood, Subdrop, Supportive Magnus Bane, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Understanding Magnus Bane
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-16
Updated: 2020-10-16
Packaged: 2021-03-09 04:02:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,879
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27028543
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nadja_Lee/pseuds/Nadja_Lee
Summary: After a night of love making, where Alec showed Magnus how much he wants his boyfriend to take control and dominate him, Alec wakes up, feeling ashamed of what he did. He goes to deal with his confusion alone.Magnus finds him just in time and prove to Alec that he wants and needs his submission as much as Alec wants and needs to give it.A ridiculously romantic story on subdrop and having someone you love to catch you when you fall.
Relationships: Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood
Comments: 46
Kudos: 699





	Catch Me When I Fall

**Author's Note:**

  * For [mrscooper1303](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mrscooper1303/gifts).



> Thanks so much to my amazing beta readers Cindy and Monochromatize.  
> Thanks so much to Regina for the fic banner.  
> A gift fic (very delayed; sorry for that) for mrscooper1303 who wanted a fic that detailed Alec experiencing subdrop in a more traumatic way than what I had done before. Hope you will like it.  
> Story warnings: Referenced D/s, referenced sex (references Alec being tied up, spanked, orgasm control, oral sex, anal sex. They had a lot of fun in the as of yet not written prequel to this!), referenced marks and bruises, referenced self-hate, depressive thoughts, insecurities, referenced self-harm (season 1 canon of not healing injuries and over-training. Shows Alec considering cutting himself with a blade but doesn’t). Idris consists of a lot of narrow-minded idiots who has made Alec feel very confused about his sexual desires. References Maryse saying to Alec he wasn’t good enough but that is season 1 canon but you are hereby warned about it.  
> Maybe also a warning that there is no sex in this story. This is about the emotions related to a D/s scene and not the scene itself.

_Please read the chapter notes for detailed warnings and always read the tags as well._

# Catch Me When I Fall

Alec awoke feeling his whole body was spent and tender, slightly aching but in an oddly good way. He smiled as he opened his eyes. It was still dark outside, the sun only slowly starting to rise. He looked at Magnus lying beside him, still sound asleep. He was so lucky he had a boyfriend like Magnus. He had never thought he would ever get this lucky. He had thought he would have to eventually marry for political reasons like he had started with Lydia. He had thought the deal with Lydia had been the best he could get; an agreement the marriage was a friendship and political but not sexual. Magnus had changed all of that. He had realized he didn’t care if he would get punished for it; he wanted Magnus. That part hadn’t surprised him to be honest, the wanting Magnus part, even if he had struggled to admit it. What had surprised him was that Magnus had wanted him back. Him…plain and shy and stammering and completely inexperienced him. Not Izzy with her sexual confidence and quick laughter or Jace with all his power and strength. Izzy who could light up any room she was in or Jace who was like the sun, shiny, brilliant, and all-shadowing. Both of them someone you remembered. But him. Magnus had wanted him. The odd one out. The boy who felt uncomfortable in his own skin. Him with all his insecurities and fears.

Alec smiled even wider at his own luck as he reached out to stroke some hair out of Magnus’ eyes. As he did so he caught sight of his wrist and arm, making him pause and draw a sharp and shocked breath. He pulled his arm back and examined it more closely. His wrist had red marks and his forearms had faint bruises. He blushed in shame as memory returned to him, hitting him like cold water. He felt rising panic and embarrassment as he started to remember the previous night in detail.

Alec sat up in bed, careful not to wake Magnus, looking at both his wrists and forearms, fighting to keep his breathing calm and even. The red marks on his wrists were from the ropes. The ropes he had begged Magnus to tie him with, that he had begged him to tighten more and more, begging him to leave marks on him. The memory made his cheeks flame hot and red in humiliation. Magnus had done it because Magnus always wanted to please him. He had begged him, and Magnus always did what he could to make him happy. By the Angel! He had been so….needy. So desperate to finally give up control, to finally let go. Magnus had kept asking if he was sure, if he was ok, and he had just kept going. Begging and pleading for more. Magnus had obviously not wanted this; a boyfriend who was this weak and clingy and desperate. No, he had done it to please him as he always did.

Alec looked at the still sleeping Warlock and then back at his arms, looking at the marks on his forearms from where Magnus had pinned him down when Alec had begged him to, edged him on till he did it. And he had done it. Magnus had done everything he had begged for but only after asking him again and again, after asking him to beg again. Alec groaned inwardly. Magnus had surely thought him weird. Weak. He had clearly asked again and again, wanting him to repeat his needy requests to be sure he really wanted it. That he wanted something that no Nephilim should want.

Nephilim were raised to be strong, to be warriors. He was a Lightwood and raised to lead, to take responsibility always. He had wanted just a few hours of peace, to let go after a hard day that came after a hard week and even harder months. In fact, it had been a brutal life, filled with demands and responsibilities. Normally he could carry it, but he had no outlet, nowhere to be allowed to be weak, to give in, to surrender. Last night he had found that release, that outlet. And now he realized what he had done. What he had forced Magnus into. By the Angel! Had he really been so desperate, so needy he had just risked his relationship with Magnus for a few hours of letting go?!

They had gone for dinner last night like so many times before. However, the pressure had been building and Alec had felt his mental armor crack more and more. For the first time since they had started to date Alec had forgotten to keep tight control on his alcohol intake. Warlocks could drink a lot and still only get a buzz from it; Nephilim didn’t have the same tolerance. The alcohol hadn’t made him drunk, but it had made Alec loosen up and able to finally let go.

When they had portaled home and had started to kiss their way to the bedroom Alec had felt something, a fire he hadn’t dared acknowledge before when Magnus had pinned him against the wall. Magnus had done that before; it was a part of their game. He would pin him against the wall, a fire in his eyes but then let him go as they made their way to the bed.

Alec felt his face burn with humiliation when he remembered how he had begged and pleaded Magnus to do things to him; things he had always wanted, fantasized about. He had thought they would forever remain fantasies as he hadn’t dated anyone. Then he had met Magnus and he had been so kind and considerate of his lack of sexual experience. Alec had loved the sex they had; soft and sweet and gentle. When Magnus had first made love to him it had been amazing. Feeling Magnus like that inside of him, feeling that connection and intimacy was priceless.

But sometimes he didn’t want lovemaking; he wanted, needed, but to fucked into oblivion. He wanted to feel Magnus’ power and his desire. He wanted his marks and his passion; his fire from Hell itself if he could get it!

Alec didn’t tell Magnus; he was aware his desires were unheard of in Idris. Dark, forbidden, and frown upon. What warrior wanted to be hurt, tied up, held down? He was well aware that in Idris he would be seen as all kinds of wrong.

He blushed when he remembered what he had asked, begged, Magnus to do. How he had begged him to take away his control. How he had offered it to the Warlock by kneeling before him. How he had begged to be marked, spanked, tied up and held down. And Magnus had done it all.

Alec vaguely remembered Magnus asking if he knew what he was asking for which Alec had confirmed he did; he had had these fantasies for years. Telling him to use the traffic light system if he wanted him to stop. But Alec hadn’t wanted Magnus to stop. He had wanted him to stop talking and claim him, mark him…fuck him so hard he could still feel it for days and Gods had Magnus delivered!

Alec looked again at the sleeping Warlock and then back at the marks on his wrists and arms. He knew he had further bruises on his hips from Magnus’ hands, that his ass was stinging after Magnus had given him everything he had begged for; both a spanking over his knees and a hard fucking.

Magnus had checked up on him, asked for his color and even magic’d up some fruit and juice afterwards before they had fallen asleep. Alec would have come several times if Magnus had allowed it; however, having Magnus allow it only once had only heightened his orgasm to the point that Alec had blackened out for a few moments afterwards. Magnus had come twice; once down Alec’s throat that even now left him feeling a bit hoarse, just like he had begged for, and deep inside of him as he had also begged for.

Magnus had praised him whenever he had obeyed but Alec was left now in doubt of everything, the stigma from his upbringing overshadowing everything else. Had Magnus truly wanted this? Surely he couldn’t want this; a boyfriend who wanted…this?!

Alec looked at his marks again, frowning even more. He had loved the marks yesterday when Magnus had put them there. Now, his head was spinning, and he felt worried and confused.

Careful not to wake Magnus Alec quickly got out of bed, groaning a bit at how tender his ass was, not able to even start to deal with the shame he was feeling at what he had said to Magnus about that; how he had asked, begged more correctly, Magnus to go harder and faster…. Fuck, Magnus surely hated him now. Resented him for his weakness! He knew any Nephilim would, so why wouldn’t Magnus?

Fighting tears of shame and humiliation Alec quickly picked up his clothes that was shattered all over the bedroom floor and all but ran into the bathroom, locking the door. His breathing was starting to come in quick gasps, and he sank to the floor, happy that Magnus had told him there were silencing spells on the bathroom.

Alec’s thoughts were spiraling and he forgot he was naked, forgot all about the clothes he had taken with him, unable to connect with himself. All he could hear were the teachings from his upbringing. How a warrior had to be strong all the time. How wrong his needs and desires were.

He was fighting to breathe, the anxiety and fear in his mind almost a physical presence in the bathroom with him. He had to get away; he had to escape! But he couldn’t move. He couldn’t breathe. He sat on the tiles, crying, hyperventilating, fighting to get enough air into his lungs.

His mind was spinning out of control. He was wrong. A freak. He was going to lose Magnus because of his weakness. His mother had been right all along. He was weak! Even his best wasn’t good enough; he still wanted this, needed this, even now, when he was with a man as perfect as Magnus. He was wrong! He was wrong and he was dragging Magnus down with him. He had ruined the best thing that had ever happened to him with his…stupidity! He didn’t deserve Magnus. He wasn’t good enough. He was never good enough. He could never be good enough.

Time lost all meaning. He felt cold and alone, exhausted beyond words. He was afraid to open the door; afraid to have to face Magnus again. Afraid to hear his rejection. When he looked at his wrists and forearms again, he hated the marks; hated them for they were a sign of his weakness, of his failure. The marks he had loved seeing yesterday, the marks he had begged Magnus to put there, the marks he had been so proud of when he had fallen asleep in Magnus’ arms afterwards. Now they seemed to mock him, a symbol of his fragility, of his failure, of his loss of control.

Alec started to scratch at the marks on his wrists and forearms furiously, tears running down his cheeks. He scratched at them till he was bleeding, but he kept going. But it wasn’t enough; they were still there! He could still feel the shame burning in him, the emptiness inside.

On shaky legs Alec got up and went to the medicine cabinet. His hands were shaking as he opened it. In his eagerness to find what he was looking for, something to ease the pain, to stop the chaos in his mind, the emptiness he felt himself, he pushed everything in the cabinet into the sink. Finally, he found the small bag of razor blades he had hidden in the back of the cabinet. Magnus didn’t need them to shave and Alec normally didn’t use a manual shaver. However, after he had been possessed by a demon who in his body had killed Clary’s mother, he had hidden some blades there, in case he would need it to deal with the pain inside. He tried not to hurt himself any longer when he felt emotional pain as it hurt Magnus to see him suffer, but he couldn’t deal with the spiraling he felt inside right now without it. He wanted the marks gone. Now! He took a blade and with a shaking hand put it against one of the marks on his arm.

“Alexander?” Magnus’ voice reached him, filled with worry, coming from the other side of the bathroom door.

Alec froze, unsure what to do, panicking. Magnus got so sad when he hurt himself; even if it was ‘just’ not healing an injury or over-training like he had done at the beginning of their relationship. But he needed to stop the emptiness, the chaos inside. What should he do? He didn’t know what to do. Everything was spiraling out of control.

“Alexander, are you in there?” Magnus’ voice came again, now right outside the door, filled with concern.

Alec didn’t know what to do, frozen in the moment, realizing suddenly he was still naked, having never dressed. He didn’t know how long he had been in here. He didn’t know what to do!

“Alexander, open the door,” Magnus said, his voice sounding stronger, more commanding.

Alec hesitated, afraid of Magnus seeing him like this. Afraid of his rejection. He was shaking more now. What should he do?

“Alexander, open the door right now!” Magnus commanded, the voice leaving no room for argument.

The command made something click inside Alec. He put down the razor blade in the sink and instinctively obeyed, relieved to know what to do. He opened the door and saw Magnus standing there in his boxers, looking very worried.

Magnus started to smile in relief at seeing him. Then worry and concern flashed back across his face as he took in his state.

“Alexander,” Magnus said softly, putting a strong arm around his waist, guiding him back into the bedroom.

Alec felt a tiny bit better at feeling the warmth from Magnus’ arm, leading against him, wiping his tears away.

“I…I don’t know if I want them or I hate them,” Alec admitted confused in a low and lost voice, looking at the marks on his wrists and arms, still feeling outside of himself but less so now that Magnus had an arm around him, guiding him.

Magnus pulled Alec close against him as he led him to the bed and pushed him to sit down on it.

“Oh, darling,” Magnus said softly as he looked him over, taking in his puffy eyes, the tears on his cheeks he had tried to wipe away but hadn’t quite succeeded, the slight shaking, the bloody lines from his fingers on the marks on his arms and wrists.

“Come here,” Magnus said softly, tenderly as he crawled into bed and pulled Alec close to his chest.

Alec willingly and eagerly snuggled against him, hiding his head by his neck, fighting to breathe, still shaking slightly. Magnus snapped his fingers and a blanket appeared over them.

“You must stay warm. You are very cold. You must have been in the bathroom for quite a while,” Magnus told him, tugging the blanket around Alec.

Alec snuggled close, relishing in the tender touch but his thoughts were still confused. Magnus acted like he wanted to care for him, like he didn’t think him weak for seeking this from him. But was it true? Was he just a burden? Would Magnus leave him now?

“Am I wrong?” Alec asked softly, slowly lifting his head to look at Magnus, his eyes huge and frightened.

“Of course not, darling,” Magnus assured him, kissing his forehead affectionately.

“I feel so….sad. Empty,” Alec admitted, biting his lower lip as he looked away in shame.

Magnus took a firm but gentle hand under Alec’s chin and turned his face back to look at him. Alec was still avoiding looking him in the eyes.

“Alexander, look at me,” Magnus ordered, his voice filled with loving command.

Alec instinctively obeyed and was blown away by the power and control, the love and care, he saw in Magnus’ expression.

“You ran off when you felt upset instead of talking to me. I should have talked more with you about these needs and fantasies of yours to understand your mindset better. However, you shouldn’t leave and deal with your confusion alone. I can’t know what you need and I wouldn’t be able to care for you properly and ensure you don’t drop if you don’t talk to me,” Magnus said softly, more to himself than anything else. He paused as he added sternly, in a voice leaving no room for argument, “Don’t run away from me again. Promise?”

Alec blushed, feeling he was being reprimanded.

“Ok,” Alec agreed quickly even if he was unsure what he meant by drop.

“I will make a warm bath for you. You will feel better,” Magnus promised, kissing the top of his head.

“Ok,” Alec just said, more than happy to let Magnus take control, finding that the more Magnus did the quieter his brain became.

Magnus gently pushed Alec a bit back and up into a sitting position. Before Alec had time to ask what was going on Magnus snapped his fingers and the sound of water came from the bathroom, indicating he had magically started the water for the tub.

“I will get out of bed and then take you to the bathroom,” Magnus told him, smiling reassuringly.

Alec nodded even if he was a bit unsure what was going on or why, his brain not really working as it should.

Magnus then moved out of the bed. Alec felt oddly cold and abandoned when Magnus left him, but he trusted he would do as he had told him and not leave. Then Magnus was by his side a few seconds later, lifting him up bridal style, using his magic to make it seem effortless. Alec smiled a bit when he was in Magnus’ arms, snuggling close and feeling warm and safe once more.

Alec didn’t care any longer about weakness or anything else. He eagerly put his arms around Magnus’ neck and hid his head by Magnus’ shoulder, just focusing on Magnus and his scent, trying to let those sensations push all the chaos inside away.

“I want you to do precisely what I tell you. I will take care of you. Can you do that?” Magnus asked, his voice both warm and commanding.

“Yes,” Alec readily agreed, eagerly hanging on Magnus’ words, feeling his anxiety and fears leave him as he let it all go in order to focus only on Magnus and what he wanted from him.

“Good. You’re doing so well,” Magnus complimented as he stopped in the middle of the bedroom.

“I am?” Alec asked confused, his voice sounding low and weak even to his own ears when Magnus carefully put him down on his feet.

Alec looked a bit lost at Magnus, unsure what he was supposed to do.

“So well,” Magnus repeated, nodding.

Alec smiled a bit at the words, the praise washing over him, helping to chase away the darkness. He looked at Magnus, awaiting his next command.

“Now, kneel here till I get you. I will be a few minutes as I get the bath ready. I love you and I will take care of you. Just do as I tell you and everything will be fine,” Magnus told him, his voice still soft but firm, making it clear it was an order.

“I love you,” Alec got out, the words hard to get out due to the emotions inside but the smile Magnus gave him for the effort was worth it.

Alec gratefully did as Magnus had ordered and knelt, happy to know what to do, Magnus’ words calming him, grounding him. He didn’t feel embarrassed any longer, just calm, replaying Magnus’ words in his mind. He just had to do what Magnus said and everything would be fine. He would not be punished or abandoned or ridiculed. He just had to do what he was told. He could do that. He was good at following orders.

“Just relax. You are doing so well,” Magnus told him, stroking his hair tenderly.

Alec took a deep breath, feeling calmed and grounded by the words and his touch. He leaned against Magnus’ leg, letting his mind go blank, chasing away the shadows. They stayed like that for a few moments before Magnus left the bedroom, going to the bathroom.

Alec took a deep and calming breath, focusing on Magnus’ words. He just had to do what he was told. Just when his own fears and insecurities threatened to overshadow his newfound calmness in the order, Magnus was back again.

“You have done so well, darling. Now, get to your feet,” Magnus ordered, his voice strong but loving as he stood before him.

Alec rose at once, looking a bit confused at Magnus.

“I... did well?” Alec asked hopefully in a small voice, giving Magnus an intense look.

If he were doing well surely that meant Magnus wouldn’t leave him. Surely it meant Magnus didn’t find him weak. Right?

“Perfectly, darling,” Magnus praised, his tone tender and soft.

“Thank you,” Alec said softly, smiling slightly, realizing he was no longer shaking.

“Follow me,” Magnus ordered, taking a firm hand on his right wrist as he walked to the bathroom.

Alec obediently followed him, his touch grounding him. Once there Alec saw Magnus had prepared the tub, bubbles everywhere, his clothes back on a chair in the bedroom and the medicine cabinet had been cleaned up. Alec felt better at seeing the evidence of his chaotic thoughts had been cleared away.

“Come, get in,” Magnus ordered with a smile and a hand wave as he nodded to the tub.

Alec did so, sinking into the warm water, letting it ease his cold body and sore muscles. Magnus got in with him, maneuvering them so Alec was sitting between his legs, leaning back against him.

“There we are. Isn’t it nice?” Magnus coxed softly, kissing his neck by his deflect rune tenderly.

“Hmm,” Alec agreed, starting to feel a bit floaty, the darkness starting to disappear.

“Just relax, darling. You are doing so well,” Magnus told him, his hands running soothing circles on his arms and shoulders.

“I am?” Alec asked again, the praise warming his heart and soul.

He was starting to feel a bit sleepy, his body heavy from the physical and mental exhaustion.

“So good for me,” Magnus confirmed, making Alec smile and lean back against him, unafraid, knowing Magnus would take care of him.

They sat in the warm water for a while, Magnus holding him and whispering words of praise and endearments.

“Let’s get you into bed,” Magnus said softly, rising to get out of the tub.

Alec felt cold again, empty again. He was leaving! He was too needy. He knew it!

“No! Please. Stay!” Alec got out, frightened, reaching for him.

Magnus caught his hand in his, squeezing it.

“I won’t leave. I swear,” Magnus calmed him.

Alec blushed, feeling embarrassed again. It had been going so well…

“Ok. Sorry,” Alec got out, looking down.

Magnus smiled tenderly and put a hand under his chin, turning his face back towards him.

“No. don’t be. You are doing so well,” Magnus told him, his eyes so sincere and warm Alec couldn’t help but believe him.

Magnus let go of his chin and without another word he used his magic to help him lift Alec out of the tub. Magnus held him close, bridal style, not caring about the water that was running everywhere. Alec put his arms around his neck and snuggled close, feeling calmed by his nearness.

“Hmm,” Alec mumbled, sighing happily.

Magnus carried him to the bed and placed him gently down on it. With a snap of his fingers they were both dry as was the bed and the floor. He then crawled into bed as well and Alec eagerly snuggled close to him. Magnus snapped his fingers, and a blanket was over them. He put an arm possessively and protectively around the Nephilim, stroking his hair with the other.

“Just relax. I’ve got you. You can close your eyes now,” Magnus told him softly but there was a command in his voice that calmed and grounded Alec further.

“You’ve got me,” Alec whispered softly with a fond smile on his lips, feeling his eyelids getting heavy.

He felt safe now. Secure. He could let go. For once he could let go. Magnus would care for him. For once he didn’t have to be strong. He could be cared for without fear. Without worrying about appearing weak or fragile or anything else.

“Yes, I’ve got you,” Magnus confirmed affectionately, kissing the top of his head.

“I love you,” Alec mumbled, close to sleep, snuggling even closer, feeling cared for, and loved.

“I love you too,” Magnus assured him, his voice strong and sure, making it impossible for Alec to doubt it.

Alec fell asleep listening to Magnus’ heartbeat, feeling calmed and comforted by the sound and the feel of his arms around him.

When Alec awoke for the second time the sun was high in the sky and he was still in Magnus’ embrace. He felt much better; calmer. Rested.

“Good morning,” Alec said softly, blushing a bit, unsure what else to say, the memory of what they had done returning to him as well as what he had done in the bathroom and Magnus then caring for him.

“Good morning, darling,” Magnus said softly. He put a hand to his chin and turned his face to look into his eyes, giving him a worried look. “How do you feel? Your eyes seem clear.”

“My eyes?” Alec asked surprised as Magnus let go of him.

Magnus nodded as he asked, a hint of command in his tone that made it clear he was expecting a reply, “So…how do you feel?”

“Ok,” Alec said, automatically because he had been told since he had been a child that the only acceptable answer to that question was ok.

Magnus raised an eyebrow in warning and Alec looked away for a moment before he admitted, biting his lower lip, “Embarrassed.”

“Why?”

“Well, first what happened, what I said, what I wanted…. then I locked myself in the bathroom… and I did….” Alec paused, fighting to be able to continue but he knew Magnus expected complete honesty between them. He wanted that too, but it was just so hard. He wasn’t good with words.

Alec turned in Magnus’ embrace so he could show Magnus his wrists and his forearms, letting him see the bloody marks from his nails that were now covering Magnus’ marks. Magnus gave him a tender and sympathetic look, waiting for him to continue.

“This,” Alec ended lamely, unable to meet Magnus’ eyes as he said it, nodding to his arms.

Magnus took a hold of one of his arms and inspected it.

“Oh, darling,” Magnus said softly, sadly, as he looked more closely at the marks from Alec’s nails. He took a relieved breath when he saw it wasn’t serious.

“I’m sorry,” Alec mumbled shyly, blushing in embarrassment.

“What for?” Magnus asked, letting go of his arm.

“For being such a mess,” Alec confessed with a hint of self-discrimination.

Magnus shook his head as he insisted in a strong tone while stroking Alec’s cheek tenderly, lovingly, “You are not a mess, darling. You have burdens to carry but so do I. Together we can overcome that. We can rise above it all.”

Alec smiled at that, his heart melting at hearing it. He then frowned as he recalled everything that had happened.

“I shouldn’t have locked myself in the bathroom. I am not even sure now why I did that,” Alec admitted a bit confused, biting his lower lip. He paused, looking down as he admitted shyly in a low voice, “I wanted to hurt myself. I felt…wrong. I left my own marks on me. I covered yours. I wanted yours so much. To be yours in every way.”

Magnus tenderly tipped his face up, so they were eye to eye and Alec was amazed all over again by the love and care in Magnus’ eyes and face.

“I want to help you deal with your pain, but I don’t want to control you. You can do this if you feel you need it,” Magnus told him seriously.

Alec shook his head.

“I don’t want to need it,” Alec insisted.

Magnus gave him a tender and chaste kiss that left them both smiling softly.

“What do you want, darling?” Magnus asked gently.

Alec took one of Magnus’ hands and locked eyes with him, blushing but his gaze strong as he kissed Magnus’ knuckles, making the Warlock blush himself for once at the romantic gesture.

“You,” Alec admitted when he released Magnus’ hand again.

“How?”

“Like…last night,” Alec admitted, blushing a deep shake of red as he said it.

“You didn’t wake me up earlier when you were dropping,” Magnus reminded him, frowning worried. When he saw Alec’s confused expression he added, “Felt bad. You need to let me care for you, Alexander.”

Alec blushed a bit at that, not used to people wanting to care for him. Normally people always wanted something from him; wanted and needed him to be strong, take decisions. Do this or do that.

“And you want that?” Alec asked shyly, looking down.

“Want what?” Magnus asked, puzzled.

“To…you know…care for me?” Alec got out, forcing himself to look at Magnus, feeling a smile spread over his lips at the love and certainty in Magnus’ expression.

Magnus smiled tenderly as he stroked his cheek and then took a hand to his neck, pulling Alec in for a soft kiss.

“Always,” Magnus swore when they pulled apart for air, both breathless from the simple touch.

“Thank you,” Alec said, overwhelmed, unsure what else to say for how do you thank someone for not only being your whole world but wanting to give you the whole world? It was humbling and overwhelming and completely all-consuming.

“But we can’t do something like that if you don’t trust me to care for you,” Magnus warned him, a hint of hurt and sadness in his eyes.

Alec quickly shook his head.

“I know. I didn’t mean to do what I did. I got scared. I **do** trust you,” Alec insisted strongly.

Magnus searched his face and when he found what he was looking for he smiled and nodded, kissing Alec once more. The kiss was filled with promises of love and care.

“What set this off?” Magnus asked seriously when the kiss finally ended.

“I… I kept hearing this voice saying I was weak for wanting these things with you. For wanting to…you know,” Alec said shyly, looking down.

“What does you know mean? Kneeling? Submitting? Wanting to give up control? Wanting me to leave marks and bruises on your body, mark you up as mine?” Magnus asked directly, his voice warm but strong, needing to know.

“Yes. All of that,” Alec admitted, nodding, blushing as he said it.

Magnus stroked his cheek and their eyes met and held, Alec drowning in the love and adoration he saw in Magnus’ face.

“Alexander, that’s not weak. I know a little of the way Idris views the world and it is wrong and very single-minded. Submission takes a lot of courage and power and I am honored you will give me this gift,” Magnus told him seriously, sounding emotional and his eyes had gotten glassy, teary, showing just how overwhelmed he felt about it.

Alec couldn’t help but steal a passionate and loving kiss at hearing that, feeling overwhelmed himself at hearing Magnus say what he had only ever dreamt of hearing being said to him.

“But…I mean do you…” Alec began softly when the kiss ended, doing a weak hand gesture.

“Are you asking if I want this?” Magnus guessed with a warm smile.

Alec nodded, smiling softly. He was sure he did from what he had said but he wanted, needed, to hear it said out loud.

“Yes.”

“I more than want this. I have wanted this from you since I met you. I have always wanted this from you, but I knew you were new to everything. I didn’t want to scare you. I feared you would never want to give me this part of yourself and I had forced myself to accept that,” Magnus told him seriously, stroking Alec’s cheek tenderly.

“Really?” Alec asked hopefully.

Magnus nodded as he said honestly, “I might not like the fact that I am a Prince of Hell but I am. I have a need, a desire, to seek that submission from you. You have never been more beautiful to me than when you were kneeling before me, giving me that power, that gift.”

Alec was blown away to hear Magnus say that, struggling to control his feelings and not start to cry in pure joy and relief. Here he had feared Magnus would be disgusted, find him weak…instead, he found his submission to be a gift. He found his needs….beautiful.

“You think I was…that it’s beautiful?” Alec got out, moved and happy at the thought.

Magnus smiled warmly at him as he nodded and confirmed in a strong voice that left Alec with no doubt whatsoever about his feelings on the matter, “Yes, very. I want to leave my marks on you for all to see you belong to me. I don’t want any other claim on you than **mine**. I want you to be mine in every way and I want you to let me take care of you. No more running away.”

Alec blushed and smiled shyly as he said, “Ok.”

“It will have to be more than ok, Alexander,” Magnus insisted, command clear in his tone.

“I…. I like the sound of that. Of being yours like that, of giving myself to you like that,” Alec admitted, fighting down his blush and shyness to get the words out.

Magnus smiled widely in joy as he claimed his lips in a kiss filled with tenderness and love, passion, and possession. Afterwards Alec still looked a bit dazed, smiling widely and Magnus stroked his cheek lovingly, smiling just as much in joy and happiness.

“Why though?” Magnus asked curiously, thoughtfully. At Alec’s puzzled look he elaborated, “Why would you, a Nephilim, be able to act on a desire to kneel for a demon Prince? In all my years I have never heard of any Nephilim who could ever offer a gift like yours.”

Alec didn’t doubt that it was true, and it was a fair question. He just wasn’t sure he knew it himself.

“Firstly, then I love you and I trust you and for me then you being a Warlock and all of that never mattered one way or another,” Alec reminded him with a warm smile.

“Which alone likely explains why no other Nephilim I have heard of has acted on this before because, darling, I can assure you that other Nephilim has desires like these. However, none of them had your courage to act on it,” Magnus assured him, admiration and love clear in his words.

Alec smiled warmly at that, soaking up Magnus’ admiration and praise like a sponge.

After a few seconds of reflection Alec admitted, “I feel safe within rules. If I know the rules and I know I get punished for something I do wrong I never have to fear losing you.”

“You never have to fear that regardless,” Magnus assured him tenderly.

“I logically know that, but my fears sometimes get in my way. I want this. I need this. For me. Not always but sometimes,” Alec told him honestly.

“Why? Are you sure? I will love you all the same if you say no,” Magnus promised, his voice loving and strong.

“I know but I want to give up control to you when things get too much. To feel that burden lessen. I need that at times,” Alec admitted, looking down as he spoke. “I have always had responsibilities. I have never been able to let go, to be taken care of. You give me that.”

“I will always take care of you, darling,” Magnus swore lovingly, pulling him close to his chest.

Alec snuggled close, feeling loved and cared for just as Magnus had promised.

“At times I like to feel, really feel, that you want me, that you desire me. That I am truly yours. That you want others to know I am yours. That you are proud of me like that,” Alec told him huskily, the words spoken against Magnus’ shoulder.

“You will always be mine,” Magnus promised strongly as he kissed the top of his head, tightening his arms around him.

Alec squirmed a bit in his arms and Magnus loosened his hold enough for Alec to turn slightly so he could look him in the eyes.

“Then let me. Mark me as yours,” Alec pleaded, baring his neck slightly in a submissive gesture.

“Always, darling. Always,” Magnus swore as he kissed his neck tenderly before starting to suck a mark there, making Alec moan slightly.

Magnus made a few more marks on Alec’s neck before he pulled back with a satisfied look at his claim on Alec’s skin.

Alec turned fully in his arms so he could hold out his arms.

“Can you remove my own marks but leave yours?” Alec asked a bit shyly, nodding to his wrists and forearms where he had left bloody imprints from his nails.

Magnus nodded emotionally, smiling softly as he snapped his fingers, removing Alec’s marks from his arms but leaving the ones he had made the night before.

“There,” Magnus said softly.

“Thank you,” Alec got out, equally emotionally as he snuggled close to Magnus again.

Magnus put one arm around him possessively and protectively and pulled him close.

“Promise me you won’t ever hide from me again. If you ever feel you start to drop or have any insecurities or fears, you will come to me so we can talk. So I can help you, take care of you,” Magnus asked of him, his gaze serious as he took Alec’s right wrist, gently messaging it, rubbing his fingers over the red marks he had left there.

Alec nodded, a lump in his throat as he said, “I promise.”

“Good. Later today I will explain what other rules I think we should agree on to make this work. However, for now I just want to hold you,” Magnus told him, his cat eyes shining with love and possession, need and desire.

Alec smiled softly, warmly as he said, “I like the sound of that.”

Alec snuggled even closer, laying his head on Magnus’ shoulder, feeling safe and loved when Magnus closed both arms around him and pulled him as close against him as humanly possible. Alec almost purred when Magnus kissed the top of his head and stroked his hair lovingly, tenderly.

“I love you so much. Being yours is all I ever dreamed of. Even before I met you, I somehow knew that was what I wanted,” Alec admitted, his voice low and husky, filled with emotions, his love so strong it was almost tangible. “I want people to remember me for the love I have for you for that is my greatest achievement.”

“Oh, darling! I love you so much,” Magnus assured him, his voice husky, loving and emotional as well. He tightened his arms around him before he went on, “I have searched the ages for you. I have wanted you, loved you, since before I even knew you existed. You are everything I have ever wanted. I swear I will spend today and every day since then showing you just how loved and cherished you are. I will make up for any and all days you spent before me alone, feeling sad or frightened, feeling not good enough. I will love you so much it will make up for it all and make all your tomorrows better than any day today was.”

“Then my tomorrows will be amazing for my today, here with you, is everything,” Alec admitted tenderly, making Magnus smile joyfully.

They shared a tender and loving kiss, filled with promise and love, understanding and tenderness.

Alec smiled happily as he snuggled close to his lover, knowing he was safe with Magnus, safe in his love, safe in his embrace. That he could let himself fall, that Magnus would always catch him.

**_The End_ **

**Author's Note:**

> If you enjoyed the story please leave a comment and a kudos (or just a kudos).  
> If you are into possessive or dominating Magnus you have come to the right profile:  
> https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nadja_Lee/works?fandom_id=6856609  
> Captive Angels; Victorious Demons (in the Rise and Fall of Idris series), the Broken Angel series, I Love The Way You Make Me Hurt, You Belong To Me.....happy reading (check all tags and warnings first). I write this theme a lot ;)


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